The Krewe reviews the "Fartzooka!"

Don't trust it! The Krewe is back with uncut, unfiltered and unhinged bonus content!

This time, we take you to the inevitable conclusion that if you give a guy something, we'll find a way to turn a bodily function into something we think is funny.

Don't miss the explicit Implicit Bias!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Uh it's the fart zuka, Caleb.

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Is it a fart zuka? What the air zuca with loaded with a fart. So yeah, fart zukaar.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Okay, so all right, we we have just found this on implicit bias radio. And of all the things that I think we could do bonus content about, this might be the most appropriate because we are so full of shit on this show that this fartzuka would absolutely be deadly.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

I think it just shows like the scientists spent millions of dollars understanding aerodynamics of the cosmos vortex ring. And the ring that we were most concerned with is the sphincter.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Okay, so let's explain what this is for those who are listening and watching. Uh the fart zuka, the what you said to air zuka?

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Yeah, air air zuka uh is what it's called.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

So essentially it's like a bucket with a big bucket. Yes, with one side of it being a stretchable membrane that once it's loaded with air and pulled back like a slingshot, when released, it basically shoots air across a distance. So the fun part is you know, if a guy's involved, we're gonna load it up with a fart.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

We're just gonna do it sooner or later. They were spraying fart spray in there, and look, this thing launches it like 30 feet. So you're a safe distance away.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

And you're like you think you're a safe distance away.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Well, and you sit there and you're like, all right. So it redefines silent but deadly.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Yes, you're like, dude, I'm cocked and locked. Fill me up. Lock and load, buddy. You're like full sin and let it go. You let it go. Imagine like walking through like a public space into the Fort Vortex.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Kind of like kind of like the U.S. Senate. I'm pretty sure Chuck Schumer would have loved to have had one of those. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

What's the um the congressman? That's him. It was it was Schumer. Not just Schumer. Oh, it's a you're thinking.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

There was Squalwell that that used to fall. Squawwell did it, and there was there was the other one. The little short, yeah, chunky guy. Nadler. Yes, Jerry Nadler.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

The Senate panel up there talking, like you're getting ready to go to the community meeting, and you're like, I disagree.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Hey, all I know is this. I actually give Schumer credit for trusting a fart at his age. I mean, what? I'm I'm just like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

From what I heard, Nadler didn't have that much success. Oh no, you could see the walk. There was returns.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

After Nadler had that happen to him, you could see the walk, and you knew there was too much clench and waddle going out of there.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Walker, at what age did you stop trusting a fart?

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Walker still has a bottle of walk. A while ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

It was after you know, after the Taco Bell lettuce incident. It's right around the same time you stop buying white underwear.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah, but listen, off-air, we were talking about it. Nadler had the sleeve surgery or the gastric bypass. Yeah. So, I mean, trusting farts at that point is out the window. Oh, I don't disagree. But if he just invests in the pins and a couple of you know, dude wipes, and he's got it rolling.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah. Rolling is a good term for Nadler because I'm pretty sure he didn't walk out of there. He just wheebled wobbled, but he didn't fall down on his way out.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

I can only imagine it's as bad as like after your colonoscopy.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Because like the Oh, dude, I sounded like a small brass section of the Marching 100 out of New Orleans.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

My my first colonoscopy, they made sure to punish me. And my second, I didn't trust anything. So, like, I just can't imagine going to your life and you're like, Yep, this is safe.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

There is nothing safe.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

I that is why. So, first of all, with the whole Schumer was the latest incident, there is no doubt in anyone's mind. And I kind of love that, forgive the pun here, that all just blew over. Because let's face it, we'll say that is a human experience that none of us get spared from. No, I mean, look, I've seen hippopotamuses of the zoo. And I am not gonna condemn the man.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

My wife sees one every night.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

I am not gonna condemn the man over a natural bodily function that he is probably at an age that he can't control.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Yeah, you just sharded. That's all it was a short.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

Like, I just and look, I can't fault anybody for that stuff, but like imagine sitting there talking to somebody and be like, it just rips. And you're like, that was that was more solid than it should have been.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah. My personal favorite was the smirk on his face. I don't think it was solid involved. It was liquid involved. Like you, like you saw you saw him as he was talking in his, you know, grandpa monster way with both of his hands in his pockets. And I'm sure his hands were brown when he took him out. And he and he just kind of gave that smirk like, yeah, I just farted and nobody can do anything about it. And it came out clean, so I can keep going.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

I mean, so at least we know he's gonna end up getting some money or a sponsorship from Poopouri.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Oh, oh yeah. Oh, I'm sure he's already extorted that, no doubt. No doubt. Then again, I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen more in DC, considering how full of shit everybody up there is.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

You just can't always hear it. It probably does. But as we talked about earlier in this show, the media doesn't report stuff like that. Wait, so I mean, because they're not truthful.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Is that how you advocate for more tobacco use? What? You're like, if you were smoking a cigar, no one would know where this came from because the air would already smell wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Yes. So here's my Oh, yeah, I do that all the time because I fart on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

So here is here is king in the ambiance.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

I wear a rubber suit. So it really smokes in the flavor.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

I don't wear a rubber suit, I smoke cigars.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

So here's the one question I have, though. So we call you Trojan. Yeah. Why, why has this only happened to Democrats in the last four years?

SPEAKER_01 6:00

They're not house people.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

No, have you noticed? I mean, stop and think like this just dawned on me. We have not seen a Republican lawmaker just let one rip during an interview where they get made fun of virally on social media in the last five or six years.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

I don't know about Mitch. Mitch might have done that. There was a few instances where he kind of zoned out. You mean rigor tortoise? Yeah. He, you know, he might have he might have just, you know, overloaded the fart overloaded his brain, and that's why he just kind of zoned out. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

So how do you explain Pelosi?

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Women don't fart. No, look, there's there's no lot don't don't no answers. I I've say no answer to that statement. Yeah, no winning.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

They no, they don't know. Walker, what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Kim, women do a reason. There's a reason why she's got back problems. All I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

I mean, there's a you know, there might be a stench all of a sudden, but women don't farm.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Has Kennedy ever pooted in front of you, Walker? No. No, but she's farted like a Clyde's deal.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

You're like how I'm trying to draw you in right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Listen, if she's doing that now, that's a keeper.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Put a ring on it. Yeah, but she don't listen to the show, so he can actually be honest.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

He could. He could, but but he won't. Anyway, because he's smart. Anyway. It it is incredibly interesting to me to look at. So, first of all, when you think about Nancy Pelosi today, I mean, think about yeah, I'm I'm looking not to make a face. I'm looking so I'm looking at all of the face. Have you ever seen pictures of Nancy Pelosi when she was like 30?

SPEAKER_02 7:42

She was hot. No, brother. Dude, she was she was a calendar girl. She was she was a calendar girl.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

She was a smoke.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yeah, she was a show. She was a playboy? No. No, uh, I think a tool company or something like that that explains everything. Why is that a atomic search?

SPEAKER_03 8:00

Dancy Pelosi Young is a big search on this.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

My point is, you start to recognize of them finding people who the public would be like, oh, that one. I like that one. That one's I mean, look at Gavin Newsom. Gavin Newsom, he's not he's a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

He's always been a sleaze bag.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

He's not the hobbit, but he's a sleaze bag. And was married to a Republican.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Which is the funny part, which tells you that Democrats realize that the substance doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

She was he was married to Jerry Foyle.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

The function the function doesn't matter, the form does. That's what Democrats realize. So it's not that you shit into a tube that you can shoot the smell across the room, right? It's not it's not the form, it's that you can actually do it. That that's why this is the ultimate like Democrat ploy. Because it's like nobody has to hear your fart, nobody's got to see your fart, but if you can blow that across the room, everybody can enjoy the fart. If you can blow that across the room and blame that on the other, on that dude who didn't do it, that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Hey, trust the science.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

So is that why Republicans haven't made coffee?

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Because they all have pocket fart cannons? Could be. So Caleb, when can we purchase these at the Rusted Renegade?

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Well, you know, maybe I should come up with one of my own that's like shaped like butt cheeks. That way it just looks more than a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

It looks more realistic.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

Dude, and you need to bring back the sheet storm. Remember the sheet storm from what?

SPEAKER_03 9:30

You could use them in conjunction.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

You cock it, and when you release the fart, it has its own stream of toilet paper. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

But then, but then you would have to use a brown food coloring in the water in the sheet storm. Yeah. So that when the toilet, so that when the the the the spitball comes out, it's brown. What if with that smell? That would be fantastic.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

What if the intensity of the fart changed the color of the paper?

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Like a mood ring. Complicated. Oh. Like a mood ring.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Mood toilet paper.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Chemically reactive toilet paper that tells you what mood you're in. That is a billion-dollar idea. Walker are going to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah, but if you shit black all the time, what's they gonna tell you?

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Did they have mood rings when you were younger? Oh mood rings. He doesn't know where a mood rings.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Yeah, but I mean.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

No, so Jude, here's the deal. That was the thing. The color, the color for a little bit. The color of the turd does not matter. The chemicals that are in the turd that predominantly interact with the reactive chemicals in the toilet paper. So chemically treated toilet paper that reacts to the color of your dung that then says, this is the mood that you're in. So you're blue, cool, you're pensive, right? So you get blue toilet paper, you're now pensive. You get yellow, you're hungry. So is it kind of like eat pineapple or whatever?

SPEAKER_01 10:49

You know?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

No. No, no, not like that. No, like a moon.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

I'm not, I'm yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yellow toilet paper, yellow toilet paper. You peed on it, you didn't take a dump on it. That's what matters.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Dude, you know what? This conversation is just going to shit.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

This has been bonus content. This is what implicit bias radio does. We hope you laughed at us, if not with us. We'll be back next week. We'll see you in seven.